Saturday, May 7, 2011

Here's Your Sign

When our CompUSA began posting signs regarding our going out of business sale, I was away due to a family emergency. So I was unaware of just how many signs we had been instructed to post.

Holy crap.

When I came back, there were dozens and dozens of giant purple signs with yellow paint-splatter graphics and giant red letters that read "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE!" Without exaggeration, these signs lined the ceiling from left to right, right to left, front to back, and back to front. Side by side, there was probably only about a foot or two between each. Front to back was maybe four feet.

And they weren't just on the ceiling. Smaller versions were on the counters, the doors, the displays, and the shelves. Along with that were the percentage signs reading how much each area of product had been discounted. The point is, it was impossible to miss these signs.

Then again, just because we posted them doesn't mean they're true, right?

On the second or third day of the sale, I had a man come up to me in the middle of the store and ask me with a straight face, "Are you guys really going out of business?"

He had to be joking. That's what I assumed, anyway. "Excuse me?" I asked, hoping maybe I'd misheard him.

"Someone told me you guys were closing down," he said again. If he was acting, he was doing a spectacular job of it. He honestly looked and sounded upset by the news. "Is it true?"

I looked up a the signs overhead and stared long enough for him to follow suit. "Nope," I said, "we just like the colors on those signs."

He took the joke in good humor. I wasn't trying to offend him, but at the same time, I couldn't possibly imagine how he hadn't noticed any of the promotional material plastered all over the place.

Shopping Tip of the Day for 5/7/11: Have you ever seen those large porcelain bowls in store restrooms? They're called "toilets." That's where you take care of your business. Not on the floor. Not in the trash can. Nope, not the sink either.

Ladies, that applies to you too.

(Ugh, I can't believe I'm trying to teach such basic functions of human life to "adults." Time to start acting your age, people. And if your child causes a mess due to their lack of understanding how the process works, it is your job as a parent to clean up after them. I'm sorry if that comes as a shock to those of you who thought it was the store's responsibility to babysit Junior.)

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