Tuesday, November 10, 2009

You're Kidding Me, Right?

I was getting ready to leave work yesterday when someone asked me to show them where the book covers were. I told her I'd take her to them, so we headed down the aisle.

Now, our shredder display is right before the section where the grade-school stuff is kept. Don't worry, they're up on a shelf high enough where kids can't try to stuff their fingers into 'em. Anyway, as we're walking past the shredders, I come across to baboons (that's the only way I can think to describe them) who are "testing" the shredders. One of them was a big guy who had pulled the fanciest chair we had outta the furniture department and was just sitting there laughing at his buddy. The other guy - his buddy - was stuffing our identity theft brochures into the top-of-the-line shredder 9 and 10 at a time. They looked like they were between 25-30 years old, but they were both grinning and giggling like they were 13 year old boys peeking into the girls locker room. It was pathetic.

So I stopped for a moment. "Guys, is there something I can help you with?"

Baboon number two stops cramming the brochures into the thing long enough to look back at me. "Nah, we'z just testin out duh shreddah."

Then I look at the shredder. The front of the can has a long clear strip so you can see inside and know how full it is getting. These things are usually empty - customers try them out occasionally, but we clean them out afterward. But these guys had this thing half-full now. We're talking 12+ inches of shreddings had gathered in the can. Not only that, but the majority of the shreddings were all a pale green speckled with orange - the colors of our replacement plan brochures. They had to have already shredded through like two stacks of those. Now, they were layering the top with the black intentity theft pamphlets.

"How much testing do you need to do?" I asked, shaking my head. I look down at his buddy in the chair.

"I don't know him," he says, laughing like a nine year old. "He's messed up."

The guy doing the shredding reacts with this high-pitched giggle. I said, "If you wanted to test the shredder, you should've asked for some paper. These brochures are for customers, not for you to waste filling a whole shredder with."

"Sorry, man," the idiot says. He's still grinning like a fool.

So I continue on my way and show the woman to the book covers. She thanks me, I turn around, and guess what! Baboon #2 is stuffing more of the brochures into the shredder again. I didn't say anything, I just stood there leaning against the nearby ladder waiting for him to turn around. His seated friend spoke up.

"He gun' trow you out duh store, bro."

Again, the idiot turns around and sees me standing there. "Sorry," he says again. Still giggling. Still grinning. I almost think he might have been mentally disturbed.

"Are you guys honestly shopping or are you just wasting my time?" I asked them.

The guy stops giggling long enough to say, "Nah, we'z waitin on somebody."

I took the pamphlets from him and put them back into the display stand. "If you want to test the shredders I can get you some regular paper. But stop wasting our brochures. Those things are for actual customers."

The goon, thinking he was being funny, points behind the display stand at a spare bundle of pamphlets still shrinkwrapped. "Dey's anuddah stack back dare! I can use dem!"

The two of them start laughing hysterically again. They must've been high or something. Regardless, I said, "What's wrong with you?" and walked off.

They reminded me of some kids I knew in high school.

That's not a good thing.

Shopping Tip of the Day for 11/10/09: The store's bathroom is NOT the place to start asking an employee questions about products.

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